Five Tips for Cultivating Emotional Resilience
You can be extremely talented and the hardest worker in the room; you're a master at your craft, but have you mastered your Self? I've encountered so many folks who confuse emotional avoidance as a form of emotional resilience. What we don't realize when we're just starting out in this work is that there's often a disconnect between how we think we're feeling and how the body is physiologically responding (and separate of known or explainable medical conditions).
I talk a lot about resilience, but I don't celebrate it. I have a love/hate relationship with it, to be honest. Some of us are resilient because from a very young age, we had to be. Sometimes in order to survive, you might have had to compartmentalize or "put your feelings aside." But/and, it's important to understand that your ability to withstand hardship by dismissing or avoiding your emotions doesn't make that emotion magically disappear and it doesn't make you more resilient; it actually breaks you.
Having an emotional response to something that activates you for any reason doesn't make you weak: it makes you human.
Here’s a graphic with just a handful of examples of what emotional resilience is and is not.
Maybe you’ll notice an underlying theme of chaos and rigidity when reading what emotional resilience is not, and the theme of flow in what it is. Does anything surprise you?
Here are 5 suggestions to help cultivate emotional resilience for yourself:
Go with the flow! Some cliches are often underrated because they’re simple, yet obvious truths. Emotionally resilient people understand that life, like nature, is in constant flux and susceptible to change at its own will. While it’s good to make plans and have a strategy, it’s equally important to be open and flexible to change.
Developing self-awareness is a foundational practice for self-development, like learning how to ride a bike (it’s 2024, should I maybe say hoverboard instead? #80schild). An easy step to begin this practice is to notice how you respond to a trigger. For example, next time you become frustrated, jot down what you’re thinking. Notice what sensations you’re feeling and write them down. No need to judge what comes up. Just notice.
Embracing challenge as growth not only builds resilience; it’s also very useful in helping to heal from rigid perfectionism. People who are emotionally resilient may or may not get annoyed or frustrated when they’re challenged with something, but they will always find the lesson and gain wisdom from the experience.
Be open to receiving the love and support that you give. Part of building and nurturing supportive connections with others is to be able to accept the same love and support from others as we give them. This helps cultivate a sense of mutual trust, mitigates feelings of resentment, and creates a sense of belonging. Here’s a thought: strike up a conversation with a trusted friend or partner about what emotional resilience means to them, and brainstorm some ideas to support each other in building it!
Be here, in the present. Find practices that allow you to release and process excess energy and emotional burdens that make you feel heavy and weighed down, distracting you from the present. Examples are somatic practices like ecstatic or sensual dance, breathwork and yoga, to name just a few.
Ultimately, emotional resilience is all about giving yourself the permission, time and space to (literally) exhale. Release. It’s through the adaptive expression of your emotions where you’re able to create more space within to withstand life’s trials with grace, clarity, and confidence.
Where would you rate your emotional resilience on a scale of 1-10? What’s a small practice you can commit to building it?
Of course, if you would love support or to dive deeper on how to practice processing and safely releasing emotions through breathwork and mentorship, work with me.
